Douching: As Good As It Gets
I often joke that fisting is what happens when two boys decide to spend five times as long preparing for sex as they do actually having sex. It's not true for everyone, but many of us end up spending a lot of time making sure we're clean prior to play. Personally, cleaning used to be a 2-hour stressful nightmare. Having a great douching system took a lot of pressure off and reduced my average time to 30 minutes.
What Makes a Great Douching System?
A good douching system should give you a few key things: flow control, temperature control, and ease of disposal. I’ll start by describing these then move on to equipment.
Before you hook yourself up to a firehose (ouch), consider that the lining in your rectum is actually pretty fragile. You don't want to pressure wash it because, at the very least, you'll end up with some swelling. My rule of thumb is to have the water stream spray about an inch when holding the hose pointing straight up. With this flow rate I usually insert the hose for 6-14 seconds per rinse. I start at 6, work up to 14. Once the water comes out clear, I do a few more 6-second rinses to make sure I’m all set.
The biggest thing to avoid is over filling. Getting water too deep will make it harder to flush it out, making the cleanout process much longer. Make sure you aren’t over filling by checking how much water you’re putting in at your 6-second count. You can do this by setting your flow rate, then filling up a cup for the same amount of time that you would fill yourself. Everyone's a little different, but I try not to exceed half a cup in 6 seconds.
You don't have as many temperature-sensitive nerves inside you, I'm told. So you need to be very careful not to accidentally burn your insides. Test the temperature of the water on the inside of your wrist to make sure it's not more than lukewarm. I use a lower temperature for douching than I do for showering. Warm water will help you relax. Another trick is to spray warm water on your hole after you feel like you've flushed everything out. That will often trigger you to release any trapped water (and it feels really good).
Ease of Disposal
Now for the dirty part. There are two ways I douche: heavy and light.
If I know I've got a lot to get out, then I fill myself in the tub and discharge in the toilet. Having a shutoff valve at the end of your hose can help minimise splashing water all over the bathroom as you move between tub and toilet.
If I know I'm basically clean and I'm just doing a little rinse, I'll do everything in the tub. This is made possible by the drain in my tub which has had the stopper cap removed, leaving a pretty wide drain hole. I've seen others remove the screws from the grate covering their shower drain so that it can be removed for douching. This isn’t possible with every drain cover type, but if you can do something to give you access to the full size drain hole it will make your life much easier.
So what do you need to do this? It's actually pretty simple.
The best faucets allow you to independently control the flow rate and the temperature of the water. The old fashioned hot knob/cold knob systems work for this, as do the kind where you pull out for flow control and turn for temperature control. The kind where a single handle turns halfway to turn on full flow, and then continues to turn for adjusting temperature is not ideal, but will work with the shutoff valve option below.
You'll need to put a diverter valve between the wall and your showerhead. This valve will allow water to flow to the showerhead when in one position, or divert the water to a hose in the other position. You'll want a diverter that allows you to only divert some of the water to the hose, not an all or nothing diverter.
Attach the hose to the diverter. I prefer an all rubber hose. The metal-sheathed hoses tend to leak and the sheathing often comes loose resulting in a kinked hose. Plus, the rubber ones are cheaper!
At the end of the hose I like to have a shutoff valve for two reasons.
First, if you've gone to the trouble of setting your flow rate and temperature but you feel like you need to take a 15-minute break, you can turn off the water at the shutoff valve without turning off the faucet. This lets you come back to the same setting (same flow rate, same temperature) you were using before your break. I actually always leave my diverter set to my preferred flow rate and just turn the douche on at the shutoff valve.
Second, if you're having a heavy clean and moving back and forth between the toilet and the shower, the shutoff valve can help you not accidentally spray water everywhere when you slip or drop the hose on the floor. It's bound to happen.
There are some terrifying douche nozzles out there. Mostly metal. Some large penis-shaped things. Some that also function as plugs. Some that spray like a showerhead. Skip all that nonsense. And get a simple nozzle. My favourite is a flexible silicone round-ended tube about 10-12 inches long with a single hole at the tip. The single hole at the tip makes it easy to judge the flow using the 1-inch test I described above and it delivers the water where you want it.
While I mostly just stick the douche in an inch or two and fill up, it can be nice to feed the head in farther to make sure you're clean deep. I really appreciate this option and I find it speeds my cleanouts substantially.
Checking that You're Clean
Sometimes it can be hard to judge if you’re fully clean. You can check yourself by lubing a long flexible toy like the Spike and feeding it in as deep as you are comfortable. Give it a few strokes in and out. If you have trapped water this will usually trigger a release.
How Long Should You Wait After Douching?
Some people like to wait at least 30 minutes after cleaning before they play. This is partly to make sure you’re clean, let everything settle, and to give your insides a few minutes to recover.